Posts Tagged ‘LAX


LAX Sucks: Part DOS

Back in April of 2008 on the old Moar Internetz (when it was hosted on blogspot) I did an entry about how much the Los Angeles International Airport sucked. I did this post on the international terminal. Now let me recap my post in one sentence: It’s a huge hallway with a bunch of chairs and a bar that’s never open. Yes, that’s right: a huge hallway with a bunch of chairs and a bar that’s never open. Reminisce on it. Read it again if you’d like.

The domestic terminal (oh god some huge Bluetooth douchebag just walked by) isn’t as bad. This is one of many, I am sure, but it isn’t the best I’ve seen. Why, you might ask? This terminal was designed by MORONS. Now by morons I can mean one of two things. Either an anorexic midget or someone who’s mother dropped them eight too many times as an infant. You would think that one of the world’s busiest airports would be designed to entertain and be comfortable (dude this Bluetooth douchebag is making LAPS) for it’s passengers. WRONG.

First of all, this terminal is shaped weird. I honestly think my six year old nephew could have drawn a better design on blue print paper. It’s got too much shit in the middle and not enough space on the sides. The gates are ridiculously close together and when passengers make lines to board the aircraft, they have to wrap the line around the seats of three more gates.

Secondly, there is nothing to do. The Chicago Midway Airport (which I can guarantee you isn’t nearly as busy as LAX) has much more food establishments to choose from, places to sit, and so many fricken shops. This terminal, like the international terminal here at LAX, is fucking lame. LAX also doesn’t have free wireless internet. I had to use my Boingo Wireless that charges $7.99 to my account, or sign up for some stupid fucking T-Mobile plan that costs an arm and a leg.

Last, but not least: an anorexic midget designed these bathrooms. Now, you would think, you would ASSUME that the architect was thinking about the amount of people and luggage that would be coming through to these restrooms, seeing as how they are the only two restrooms at the terminal. Clearly, they didn’t, and are a huge moron. When you walk into the bathroom, it splits two ways, both sides the same. There are six bathroom stalls on each side. SIX. That makes twelve toilets total. Yeah, uhm, Burbank had more stalls than that. To add to that, you can’t have two people walking in the bathroom at the same time. It’s like a really narrow one lane road in the mountains; you have to let a car pass before you yourself can move forward. And my ultimate pet peeve of all: THERE WERE NO BAG HOOKS ON THE BATHROOM DOORS. THIS IS AN AIRPORT. A FUCKING AIRPORT. PEOPLE HAVE BAGS. BAGS THEY DO NOT WANT TO PUT ON THE CONTAMINATED FLOOR OF THE ICKY BATHROOM OF LOS ANGELES. SO I HAD TO AWKWARDLY (Omg what the hell at this 60 year old British gay hipster raver guy..) HOLD MY PURSE, CAMERA AND LAPTOP UP WHILE I TOOK A PISS. WHAT THE FUCK LOS ANGELES, WHAT THE FUCK.

And this concludes my second rant about LAX. (If I see that Bluetooth douchebag one more time, I’m throwing something at him.)


April 2019
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