“Excuse me, ma’am? Have you seen my dog?”

After being in Lake Tahoe for quite some time, you start to get delirious. Not like, “oh god I’m one of those Tahoe people where I think time doesn’t exist,” more like, “I’m going to say random things to freak people out until I get back to my own home.” I’m going to say I thought up of this random thing the day we left Lake Tahoe to come back to reality. No, when I came up with this I was not drunk, and I was not under the influence of any illegal substances. I was just over tired because they actually woke me up before 10:00am. So thankfully I had the window seat; I rolled down the window at the stop light, stuck my head out and yelled..

“Excuse me, ma’am? Have you seen my dog? His name is Balls.”

And that’s where it all began. I would ask people this over and over again and get weird looks and death glares. I was ready to tell someone, “Why are you laughing? Why can’t you take me seriously? His name is Balls!” Or, “he’s a mutt.. with a big red butt and huge balls, hence the name.” But then it started to become something of entertainment to us, and not a result of our deliusional brains melting out of our ears. So, we decided we needed to come up with more awkward things to say to these people.

“I miss petting my Balls.”
“My Balls is all alone..”
“My Balls doesn’t know how to hunt in the wild!”
“I went to the pound to go look for my Balls.”
“My Balls will be so cold and lonely tonight..”
“My Balls is so soft.. I really miss him.”
“Have you seen my Balls?”
“My Balls is only two years old.. he doesn’t know how to survive in the wild!”
“My poor, poor Balls.”
“I’ve lost my Balls..”
“What did my Balls ever do to deserve this?”

And so on and so fourth. Now, step two of this entertaining making-people-feel-awkward activity has yet to begin. I’m also scared to move onto step two because I’m afraid I’m going to be laughing the entire time. Talking to people face to face and screaming out the window; I was surprised I could keep a straight face and make people think I actually lost my dog.. Step two is calling random places and giving a very detailed description of Balls, telling them about his large testicles, and then saying, “He responds to Balls.”

I really do love messing with people. It’s such a great hobby.. it truly is.


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August 2009
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